I recently had a discussion . The person was facing a deteriorating marriage and was contemplating what to do…stay in the marriage and try to initiate some badly needed changes, divorce, ignore the whole marriage and just continue living in it as it, etc.
At one point, he said, “I feel so bad that I have wasted so much time, wasted time by ignoring these problems, the marriage…”
Most people can relate to this. I know I related to it. And this is sad, very sad. We only have a limited time on this earth and to realize we have wasted some, perhaps years of it arguing with or ignoring your partner is very sad.
I affirmed his options but suggested the sadness he was feeling could be a motivator for him to get active; active in either changing the marriage or leaving. He can’t get the time lost back but this lost time can still serve a purpose…as a motivator and living through such an experience is where wisdom comes from.
The experience of looking back on our life and honestly evaluating it (and feeling the feelings we feel when we do this) and then deciding on a course of action and getting active…this is what helps us make better choices in the future. Yes, we may/will feel sad at some of our choices but to try to ignore/avoid this sadness renders us paralized to growing as we age. Our society suggests we can/ought to only be happy. This is wrong. We (all) make mistakes. Looking at them without crucifying ourselves can help us to change and grow.
More later…
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