Happy Holidays?

My Christmas this year lasted 2 hours long…Christmas morning, roughly between 10 am and 12 noon.  That is when I was making my daughters breakfast.  Yes, I did recieve some presents from them and I gave them some and spent time with my family…but my primary gift was cooking them breakfast.  Later, we spent time with my family and after 5 hours with my family, I went home and was in bed by 8pm.!

My point: I decided what my Christmas was.

It seems to me some of the depression that occurs at this time of the year has to do with people not having the Christmas that society expects us to have…you know, the kind of Christmas that is seen on TV with lots of presents, lots of food, etc.  For me, that (the TV Christmas) is not real and I am tired of trying to live up to that.  So, I decided what my Christmas would be…cooking my daughters breadfast.  I decided how long I would spend with family.  I decided it was ok to go to bed at 8pm(despite it being Christmas!).

I’m not saying all my Christmas season or even all my Christmas day was wonderful.  It wasn’t and I have decided that that is ok, it is normal.  Was I disappointed by some of it?  Yes.  I would have loved for them to have been with me all weekend, be there from Christmas Eve, had mountains of presents to give them and recieve from them, etc.?  Yes. But that is not the case in my life now or probably ever.  Part of my mental health is accepting situations, this Christmas, for what it is and making the best of it.  I did and I had a very good Christmas.

Consider New Years….  Would I love to be at a wonderful party at the stroke of midnight, dressed in a tux, sipping champaign, kissing a tall blond? Sure.  Is that going to happen? No. Instead, I look realistically at what could happen, what I want to try and make happen and set my expectations from there.  Are these plans low? Compared to the above party with the blond…yes.  But they are MY plans, not someone else’s and they are what I want and can do.  I don’t have the money to make the party with the blond occur or have the connections to be invited to such.  But I can do what makes me happy.  Will I think at times longingly about the party with the blond?  Honestly, yes. BUT I have learned to catch such thoughts and remove them.  Why? Because they are really not my own thoughts.  They have been put there by TV, movies, commercials, etc.  And when I examine them, I know they are not mine, they are not what would bring me happiness…so I let them go and go back to what would make me happy…my own thoughts, plans, etc.

More later.

And PS…I don’t have a thing for blonds!