Yes, I do…ride a Harley. What does that mean? Therapists are not supposed to RIDE Harleys. They are supposed to WATCH the guy on the Harley drive by, comment on his obvious death-wish or his attempt to rebel against his/her upbringing by dressing like a biker or his stunted maturity level. That is what therapist’s are SUPPOSED to do when they see a Harley….NOT ride one!
Well….guess what? You are wrong. I am a therapist, a good therapist and I ride a Harley! Not only do I ride one, I LOVE riding one. I have a Harley Crossbones….orange and black. Rides smooth, comfortably on the highway. I plan to take it to Lacrosse later this summer (six hours north) and to Joplin (six hours south).
So, what is my point? Assumptions. Watch out for them. They can really, really mislead you.
I sit in my office day after day and help people discover/identify the different and often misleading assumptions they are/have been living. For example: “I can’t say that…what would they think of me!”, “What does he know, he is a kid.”, “He won’t change; men never change really.”, “They (women) just don’t get it!”, etc. The assumptions I often find that cause the most damage are the seemingly “small” ones, like the one’s above. They have their roots in childhood frequently. They are often so much a part of the person’s view of life that they are frequently overlooked; not noticed at all when the person looks at themselves.
I sat with a family recently and it was the 10 year old boy that observed accurately what was wrong in the family….not the mom or dad or even the older children. The parents didn’t even hear what he said until I brought their attention back to the comment. I met with a women, a few months back, who came in for some assistance after she ended her fourth dating relationship. After a long examination of the four relationships, I realized she was operating off the assumption that women don’t actually ask for what they want, don’t say what they think. She immediately rejected my observation….after all, she was an adult, had a good job, was responsible for a small staff at work, made a good living; she obviously could speak up. I pointed out that all her evidence was related to her career and not her personal relationships.
Assumptions play a role in life. I am not saying they are all bad. They provide a basis to build an understanding, an internal dialog of a type of logic in our thinking. Assumptions provide a basis for a perspective in life and we all need a perspective to view the world from. The problem is that we forget to go back and look at these original footings. So, they can’t be seen and then we are stuck/caught in our own trap.
And I am not suggesting this is an easy process or comfortable….once identified, living contrary to our assumptions. Here’s a great example…..having to ask my daughter for help with the computer, or letting my date pay. But….I look at it as a way to telling myself to wake up and notice what is really going on in life.
Think about this….
More later…