Guidelines for Sex After 60

Below is from a handout I received while attending a workshop recently.  Having reached 60 this past August, I found the ideas very compelling.  The information is worth a read and conversation with your partner.


  1. You are a sexual person throughout your life, no matter what your age.  Age does not cause sexuality to cease.


  1. Key to maintaining a vital sexuality is to integrate intimacy, non-demand pleasuring, and erotic scenarios and techniques.


  1. Contrary to popular mythology, when couples stop being sexual it is the man’s decision in over 90% of cases because he finds sex frustrating and embarrassing. He makes the decision unilaterally and conveys it non-verbally.


  1. Sexuality is more likely to remain functional and satisfying when both the man and woman value a variable, flexible, pleasure-oriented couple sexual style rather than an individual performance-oriented, pass-fail intercourse test.


  1. With aging your hormonal, vascular, and neurological systems function less efficiently, so psychological, relational, and psychosexual skill factors become more important in maintaining a healthy, resilient sexuality.


  1. The best aphrodisiac is an involved, aroused partner – you turn toward each other as intimate and erotic allies.


  1. The “give to get” pleasuring guideline has a particular value for the aging couple. This promotes mutual stimulation, multiple stimulation, and accepting asynchronous sexual experiences.


  1. The major physiological changes in male sexual response are that it takes more time and more direct penile stimulation to obtain an erection, your erection is not as firm and more likely to wane, and there is a lessened need to ejaculate at each sexual opportunity.


  1. The major physiological changes in female sexual response are diminished vaginal lubrication that usually necessitates using a vaginal lubricant, thinner vaginal walls, increased time and stimulation required for arousal and orgasm, and less intense orgasmic response.


  1. Small doses of estrogen replacement for women, use of Viagra for men, and testosterone for both men and women are not “magic cures.” However, these can be positive resources for sexual function when integrated into your couple intimacy, pleasuring, and eroticism style. These need to be prescribed and monitored by a physician, not purchased from an Internet site.


  1. Positive, realistic expectations are crucial in maintaining a health sexual relationship. Do not compare sexuality in the 60’s to the sexuality you experienced when you were 20. Focus on quality and pleasure, not quantity and performance.  The good news is you can be sexual when you are in your 80’s.


  1. Sexuality is more than genitals, intercourse, and orgasm. Sexuality involves sensual, playful, erotic and intercourse touch. Not all touch can or should result in intercourse.  Couples who enjoy the Good Enough Sex (GES) approach report high levels of desire, pleasure, eroticism, and satisfaction.